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Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

I truly hate you. Leave me alone, you aren’t wanted here. Every time life feels good, I feel proud of myself, I like who I am, you come without fail and take a grenade to my self esteem.

You stole my pregnancies from me. You put a strain on my relationship with my family and cause fights in my marriage. You twist my reality. You take the image I see in the mirror and distort it. You whisper in my ear all the bad things that will most likely never happen. You take my patience with my children and shorten it. You make me question my faith and replay every bad decision I ever made in my head until I hate myself. You make me feel like I have something to prove, but reassure me I never will. Some days I have the strength to silence you. But just as every time before, you’ve returned. You pull my legs out from under me time and time again. Because I let you. Because I’m tired.

We’ve spent enough time together that I have learned more and more about you. I’ve realized that you are only able to continue to knock me down because I continue to get back up. I get back up tired, sweaty and worn. But I get up. I will keep getting up. This is a fight you will not win.

I have struggled with anxiety long enough to know this is not something I can cure. It’s not something I can run from. But it is something I can manage. I am not ashamed to admit that I take medication to help manage my anxiety. But I also work hard while on that medication to take care of my mental state. Whether that means I make an appointment with my therapist, schedule a girls night out with my friends, or lock myself in the bathroom and take a long bubble bath. I take care of myself and make myself a priority.

The more I have opened up about my own struggles, the more I have found that many other people around me struggle with this too. It’s something we should talk about. It’s something we need to reach out and connect over. Maybe something that I have done for my own wellbeing is also something that will work for you or what you’ve done could help me.

Mental Health matters! It’s a real thing, and a real struggle. Don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

K Monsma

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