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Hair Love

Learning about my biracial daughter’s hair has been a huge joy of mine. We have had a lot of trial and error with products, brushes, and hair ties. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s always been something we have approached with JOY.

Mya’s hair is gorgeous and unique. She is ¼ African American and ¾ Jordanian. For her, this means she has very tight curls that are soft on the ends but very dry at the scalp and gets matted and tangled between wash days. I found that google has a lot of hair product recommendations for specific races. Along with these products you can find many videos to show you hair styles. The roadblock came for me when searching for a specific mix of race like my daughter. I couldn’t find any recommendations for ¼ African American and ¾ Jordanian hair. And yes, I really did google that.

This left me with trial and error. We have gone through MANY brands and a lot of money trying to find products that work for her. Some products were much too heavy for her hair, leaving her looking and feeling too greasy. Other products were not heavy enough for it and she had too many tangles and fuzzy hair on the ends. We have an entire bin filled with products we purchased that did not work. Which is something that never occurred to me with my Caucasian daughter’s hair. I can walk into ANY store, probably close my eyes, and grab a detangler off the shelf and it would work.

Not only were the products trial and error, but I found that just because a shampoo and conditioner from one brand worked good, it didn’t mean that the styling products worked well for her. On top of that, I found that she needs heavier products near her scalp and ends and lighter products in the middle on those soft curls. It left us with an entire stack of hair products and styling tools from many different brands.

Here’s where my mind set comes in …

Just like Mya, her hair is beautifully unique. She is made up of a mixed dose of mischief, silliness, humor, sass, love and a whole lot of crazy. So, of course, her hair is too. Yes, her hair gets unbelievably tangled. It’s a lot of work to maintain and care for. But what a JOY it is that I get to be the one to care for it.

Her hair is not an inconvenience to me. It’s not a bother to me to learn about it either. It’s a privilege. If I am annoyed with doing her hair and voicing my frustration with it, how can I expect her to grow up to love it? I don’t want her to grow up wishing she didn’t have this gorgeous hair or wishing her hair was different. I want her to grow up feeling like her Mom taught her how to care for it, style it, and make it fun.


This is my job. It is my job to teach her and show her how to maintain and care for her curls. It’s part of celebrating my daughter and the beautiful differences we have. I will never tell her that her hair is a pain to comb, or that I wish it didn’t take forever, or that I’m sick of having to find new products as it changes over the years.

I love her hair. That is what I want her to remember when she thinks back to the times we spent together learning and caring for it. That her Mom took the time to learn and knew that it was important.

K Monsma

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